So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
