So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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