So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
