I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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