You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
