I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
