is your mom at the bar?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
