yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
