sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
