I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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