you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
