And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
