Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
