Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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