Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
