i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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