There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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