I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my poor anus
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
