I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
