you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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