i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
