Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
