I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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