you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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