wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My brain says no but my pants say off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
