My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
