Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
