who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
