So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
