did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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