pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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