Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
