y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And the cops told us we were all naked.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
