Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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