College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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