I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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