He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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