bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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