Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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