My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
