we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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