Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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