is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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