Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
