is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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