Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
