I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
