He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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