Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
