anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
