i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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