Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
