dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
