I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
