OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
