I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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