I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
