My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
