You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God, I missed his penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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