I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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