spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
