My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
