Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
