I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
