You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
