Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
