I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
