Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
