i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
