Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
