You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
