I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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