i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
