Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
