Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
