I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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