I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We smell like vodka and hangover
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