I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
