i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
