even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
