yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!