I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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