If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?