I'm drive I can fine osifer
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one