So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
