He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
