how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls