haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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