after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
