Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
