I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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