i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize